Warm Flame
by AmirGM
Summary: All I knew was you, all I wanted was you, all I needed... Was you. But now you're gone, and now I care no longer.
1. Warm Flame

A drop, just like that, small, insignificant consciousness in a vast emptiness of nothing. What he didn't know at the time was how powerful, how strong, how _angry_ what he had just created would become. All of his creations stemmed from this moment, every last one of them, and he thought this would be no different. He was wrong.

He didn't calculate, wasn't omniscient enough, wasn't as all-seeing as he thought he was. This was his flaw. How may God have a flaw you may ask? Even he could not comprehend such a thing. Thus, this was his downfall. Despite his omniscience, despite his foresight, the consciousness attempted to, and nearly did, destroy him. Perhaps this was fate, after all, how many other Gods created an equal to themselves only to be destroyed?

He didn't have much time to comprehend, as the being he had willed into existence consumed more and more of him, unthinking, unfeeling, _unknowing_. So he split himself, allowed what the other him once was to be consumed, and thus, the world was split, and his power dwindled.

That's when I appeared, its how I existed, for millennia, not knowing, not feeling, not understanding. My urge to create unsatiable, my urge to consume equally so, and thus, Ghenna is born. Unlike Assiah, unlike the blinding light of the one who created me, the world is wrapped in all-consuming darkness, unknowing, and unfeeling, simply creating and destroying… Just like me.

Soon, I, they, we, began to try and consume Assiah, began to try and devour and create within it. Creations that were not mine began to manifest in Ghenna, began to gather strength and become conscious. Still, I was the same. I stayed the same for what felt like nothing, but that I know now to be an eternity. Time had no effect on me, or so I thought.

Daylight, the first I had seen of it, first I had known of it, it was not blinding, not so bright as for me to shirk away like _his _light. It was warm, inviting, and I nearly wasted away there, unknowing, and unfeeling still. I shirked away, something unknown gripping me, hesitation? Fear? I still am not sure. The light went away, and there I was again, unknowing, unfeeling. The cycle repeated itself, longer and longer were the times that I could be within that light, the more and more I grew to enjoy it, savor those moments rather than be afraid.

That's when I saw it, a person, a living creature. I know now that it was nothing special, a bird, but then as time went on and as I came back I saw more things, more creatures, different kinds doing different things… Being, alive.  
Though I did not know it at the time.

As time passed, I saw more things and began to interact with them. Soon, I recognized them as 'them' and myself as 'me' though I didn't have words for them yet. I would burn them mostly, and they would react, and that placated me for a time. It was interesting, entertaining. That's when I met you...

"Rinka!"  
You gasped aloud as I flung over the object I had been watching you play with, it was different than what I had experienced before. You did not seem to be pained by what I did. You showed something else, something that sparked a desire inside of me stronger than any blue flame. You showed me joy. I wanted more of that.

You gave me more joy, as time went on. You spoke to me, though, many spoke to me now, whisper a name I knew not of, but what you did was different, the way you said it, what you said… I wanted more. I _needed_ more, Yuri, I needed you. Though I did not know that yet. The things you understand as desires, needs, instinct, didn't exist for me in the same ways that it did for you. Not yet, at least.

Time went on, and again and again I willed myself into existence there, a fleeting consciousness. I could understand but I could not feel it, not yet. But again, you showed me, you showed me to anger, you showed me passion, you showed me _love_. Sometimes I think of how you would have been a lovely mother, for all your passion and care, even though that isn't 'demonic' or 'evil' of me.

How cruel it is to be the 'lord of all that is evil' and 'creator of darkness' when I simply admire your capacity for good? I suppose that is _himself_ within me, perhaps even my love for you is a part of _him_ and perhaps this pain will end if I simply tear that out? I cannot begin to know.

I believe you would love me either way if I tore myself apart and only The Demon Lord Satan was left. Not that I will ever know that now, for you are beyond my reach.

Not so was the case then, not so was it when I had finally had enough, and taken a body for myself. I had tried, again and again, not knowing what it was I was even attempting to accomplish. I only had one desire, to be by your side, to protect you from _that one_. The one who hurt you so inside. I could feel it, feel your sadness, and I simply wanted to ease your pain. I realize now that I may have caused you even more.

When I entered that body for the first time, senses came to me as you know them, sight sound taste smell hunger everything! It was glorious! Even as it was restrictive. Everything inside of that body was only a fraction of me, a fraction of my consciousness, the part that could manifest itself in a world of logic and rules. Oh so very different from my beautiful Ghenna. There, I cannot become lost within the senses, there, I cannot be in pain, or anguish, there I sit in nothingness, again, unfeeling, as I am now. I know not rage, pain, sadness, only longing, longing for the sweet moments of bliss that is life to once again come within my grasp. Just as it did on that day, when I found you.

You looked different, seeing you with my eyes, with human eyes, in that form, was a near sensory overload in it of itself. You were beautiful, though I could not speak the words, you were kind, though I did not know how to smile in return, your touch was soft, and I craved more of it, though I could not ask you. I suppose along with the human body, the vices of man come as well. My mind was not fully intact, though, perhaps it was so even before then. From then on I craved every piece of anything I could get my hands on in order to demand more of your time, more of your attention, more of you, so that I could indulge in every sense of the word your presence.

But you brought _him_. That one, the one who hurt you, who continued to hurt you I did not doubt for a single second. He smelled disgusting, like rotting flesh, different but the same from the very body I inhabited. His eyes spoke of uncaring, unalike and foreign from yours, and to boot, he mocked me. Mocking me while I struggled with this feeble body! I desired so very much to be rid of him, to indulge in his death, be rid of him so that he won't hurt you any longer, be rid of him so that he cannot mock and make a fool of me.

I didn't even know who I was, then…

It wasn't long after though, that I found out. 


	2. Demon Heart

What I know today, is that humans have something deep within them, a rage, unlike anything a god or devil could create. Being that I myself am trapped within such a body, it comes as no surprise to me that rage is an overwhelmingly incomprehensible thing. Your literature comes, as little of a surprise that may be, to be agonizingly rageful. Tales of revenge, of righteous fury, of repentance and anger, these things I consumed in a deluge of information.

Myself, within Ghenna, all that I am, can grasp these things and understand them without confusion or overload being that I myself am formless, limitless within my capacity for understanding. Perhaps that's why you seemed to be so overwhelmed with my thirst for knowledge and my desire to know more of what you humans had created, for I literally have no limits when it comes to such things. And so I read, that night after _he_ left, I consumed so much rage, so much knowledge, so much time and history of you and your people. I discovered many tales of a being such as myself, though, perplexed at the time how your peoples could know of me without having existed within your world before now. The tales were violent, trickster, thief, angry, and full of revenge.

As I continued, the me within that body and the me here, now, split in some ways. The human I inhabited had a life and mind before me, though brief. And a part of his rage and contempt for the people around him remained. As I continued on through the night reading and consuming, within that body I took on a persona unlike the me within my beautiful Ghenna.

I would be a filthy liar if I claimed to you now that it did not bring me joy, in some way. Perhaps that was the curse of being in your land, perhaps God himself had laid this trap for me to forever be beholden to the whims of the self that I inhabit here. I cannot say, for I have never spoken to God as you know him.

There, in that room, I felt a disgusting, delightful bliss as I behold to you the malevolence that had consumed me within just that night. With this new-found knowledge and power, and knowing that within this body I had _true power_ and I felt that I could rid you of that vile one who stalks your side, who prays upon your trust and your good will. Just as those who could consume my demon heart would for the chance of power, he desired to consume yours, that I could be sure of.

And so I killed a man, another one of your peoples, it felt _good_ Yuri. It felt so good that I laughed, unlike any other time I had laughed before with you, a visceral joy that was unlike the kind you gave me, it was cold, immediate, and I _loved it._ I wanted you to celebrate with me, be happy for my new found autonomy and power.

But the look on your face made me feel something unlike I had ever felt before. When I set the pile ablaze, I felt nothing, when I burned others, I felt nothing, when I accidentally killed those mice, I felt… _nothing._ But now, you stand before me with what looks to me like crystals running down your cheeks. You weep, and you scream to me, you beg to me.

But I do not understand. As the soul of the person I killed ascends to wherever place _he_ keeps them, I do not understand why you weep, I do not comprehend your anguish, It is not as if that person mattered to me, to you, they were simply a side character within our story. How could they matter to you so?

Anger fills me, rage, and your voice calms as you do, ever as forgiving, but I am not so.

"Rink-"  
I shout, defiant in your misunderstanding of my intentions, surely _you_ must have misunderstood me. You still call me by that name after all.

**"Do not speak of that name! I am Satan! I am a Demon God!"**

You are silent, as that man in your shadow comes in, of course, he fears me, fears what I will do to you. He shelters you from flames that will never burn you, shelters you from what he believes is the true ultimate evil. For a brief moment, I think that he may be right, for a moment, I fear.

That moment does not last very long, though. Surely if you misunderstood my intentions to save you from that one, that he misunderstood that that would be the fate that awaited him as well, for trying to hurt you so. If I could just will him dead, if I could just watch his soul depart as I have the others, and have you all to myself to make you happy, to bring you the same joy that I have, I would be content.

That is when I see it, everything, the world that I may command, the world that should belong to me, I am a god, after all, am I not?

It is beautiful as I look down on it, beautiful and terrifying. Creatures of the world only I know of populating the streets, they hide in the darkness, only desiring the same things I do, happiness, love, perhaps even more so in a single-minded way but is that bad? Is that evil? No. And so I placate them, I bring them to me, and they do. Single-mindedly in their desire to feel, and I give them what they need.

But it is not what I need. And even as I bring them to me, I think to you, and then my rage builds again, my anger ignites the flames, and I decide. If you do not desire me, if you do not want me and cannot see the beauty and power of what I can give you, then I shall find someone who will, something that will, and so I seek, away from that cursed place, and that cursed man, away from you.

Every day is like agony. Though, I cannot reveal it, every day like drudging through a mud, a haze of time. Is this how the days pass for you? Is this how you exist in the space of time? It truly feels like a curse. There are days where I spirit myself away from them, away from my search and think of you, will for you to appear before me, though nothing appears. You do not come for me, as perhaps I thought you would, but you do not. And as the days become weeks, my body begins to deteriorate in a way I cannot understand. This body is human is it not? Should it not be able to live?

My single-minded pursuit of an answer leads me everywhere, I search every book I can find scour every text, nothing. I consume demons, I consume humans, I consume souls all in a fruitless attempt to stop my body from decaying.

My thoughts frequently return to you, that filthy place and that filthy human. I become angry, more of my power spills out, more of it seeps and along with it more of my body deteriorates. I resolve myself, I swallow my pride and return, demanding salvation through fear. They must listen, after all, if they do not they will die just as this body will. They know this, they also know that even if they defy me, their soul is not like my being, they cannot be reborn in the way that I can.

'_Everybody wants to live.'_

The words sting as if I've been pierced by a blade, my chest twists into a knot and some form of understanding briefly passes through me. I demand you, I demand _of_ you. I demand you to be by my side with the simple movement of my lips. This is the only demand they do not respect, the only plea they do not provide me, the only placation they do not give me.

My body stabilizes, but I can tell it is only temporary, and that my grip on this world and by extension, you, is fading.

I need you… But I know you do not need me.


End file.
